A Lesson in Parenthood For the McQuaids
by Pyrate Rose
Summary: The McQuaid brothers are in a child development class, and for a week, they both have to take home a doll to take care of. This hasn't been updated in 2 years. PLEASE stop messaging me to update. I'm not going to.
1. Block I

**A LESSON IN PARENTHOOD**

**When the McQuaid brothers get put into a child development class to keep an eye on a girl suspected of dealing crack cocaine, they get more than they bargained for when, for a week, each of them have to take home an electronic doll to take care of. Will Doug and Tom be able to handle their week's worth of fatherhood, or will taking care of a couple of dolls prove to be too much for the tough cops to handle?**

A/N: don't own it. And yes! I am the Keira in the story. And my fellow author and best friend Anna (aka ChibiConfettiQueen) is the Anna in the story. "Couldn't resist mate!". This was an idea she and I came up with at lunch today because she had to take one of the babies home last night and tonight!!!

The McQuaid brothers showed up bright and early their first day of school and, amongst strange looks from the student body, they took a seat at a table in the cafeteria to compare their agendas (of course, they chose a table where people were already sitting and told them to get lost).

"First class?" Tom asked.

"Modern American History. You?"

"Algebra one."

"You have Hines."

"Excuse me?" Hanson asked the girl who had boldly sat down next to him. Nobody dared sit next to a McQuaid.

"Your teacher for Algebra. Mr. Hines. I feel bad for you."

"Who the hell are you?" Doug asked her.

"I should ask you the same question tough guy. My name is Keira Edwards. I'm a junior. So?"

"So what?" Doug said. Maybe he was losing his touch, she didn't seem intimidated at all.

"So? Names? Do you guys have some?"

"Yeah. Tommy McQuaid, grade 11. That's my brother Doug, he's a senior."

"Well, Doug, your teacher for History is Mr.Bierbaum."

"Yeah?" Doug said, taking another stab at being tough.

"Yeah. Nice guy. Great teacher. Don't piss him off though. What other classes do you have?"

"Spanish II, Choir and Child Development." Tom said, becoming more and more confused with each class he listed.

"Mr. Jepsen, Mr. Mercer and Mrs. Young. Let's see...Jepsen, make a lot of cat jokes, Mercer, very sarcastic, today's joke day in his class."

"Joke day?" Doug and Tom asked.

"Yeah. Every Wednesday...and Mrs. Young...well...you'll find out I guess. Sounds like you're in two of my classes. My friend, Anna, she'll be in your child development class."

"Great...say, you don't know a Sarah Jameson do you?" Tom asked.

"Yeah. She's a sophomore. Real loner. No friends, kinda weird. Why?"

"No reason. We've heard about her, that's all. You don't know if she sells drugs do you?"

"No, I wouldn't. I don't do that kinda thing Tommy."

"You wouldn't be interested in showing a couple of new guys around would you?"

"Tommy!" Doug interupted. "We don't need some broad to show us around. We're the McQuaid brothers. HA!" Keira nodded and stood up.

"Sure, well...Adios Tom. Te veo en la clase de espanol."

"Huh?" Tom asked.

"I said, goodbye Tom, I'll see you in spanish class." Keira translated. "You're really in Spanish II?"

"Yeah, I'm just a bit rusty I guess...uh...adios and --stuff." Putting his hand to his forehead in anguish as Keira walked away(extremely confused), he turned to Doug who looked angry. "Spanish II? Fuller knows I can't speak Spanish."

"You could have blown our cover back there!"

"Sorry, she seemed nice. She could help us."

"You are a McQuaid! Start acting like one. Don't let your guard down because of a girl Tommy."

"Don't call me Tommy, Dougie."

"To class?"

"To class."

_there's the first chappy! I'll keep writing. This one's gonna be fun!_

_**R&R**_


	2. Block II

_A/N: Since you all liked this so much, I thought I'd keep going. Today there's a cameo by two fellow FFN authors, Meg and Anna (POTCgirl and ChibiConfettiQueen). Sorry if I spell stuff wrong, I have to type on wordpad and there's no spellcheck. And by the way, all teachers and classes and students in this story are not ficitonal! They are real people! LOL. They are teachers at my school, and we really do call Mr.Hines Professor Snape!!!! Okey Dokey(Tom Hanson line there...whoo...) let's go._

_Disclaimer: I don't own 21Jumpstreet or Harry Potter._

Tom had spent the first 84 minutes of the day in Algebra I with an evil teacher. He now realized why everyone referred to Mr.Hines as Professor Snape. He bore a striking resemblence, his nose especially, but instead of greasy black hair, this guy had none. When the bell rang, Tom eagerly ran for his locker and was greeted by Keira again.

"So, was I right?"

"Yeah, Professor Snape was great."

"I see you've heard his nickname too huh?"

"Yeah, your friend Meg told me. She sits next to me."

"Meg's in our Spanish class too. Ready for it?"

"No, not really...teach me something quick."

"You act like you've never taken a Spanish class before."

"Well..."

"Don't worry, it's like riding a bike. You never forget." Keira said. Too bad Tom had never learned to ride the bike in the first place.

They had reached the classroom and were waiting for the minute bell to ring when two girls joined them. Tom had met one, Meg, the girl from his first class, but the other one he hadn't.

"Hey Keira. Who's the new guy?" she asked.

"I'm Tom McQuaid."

"Yeah, he's in Potions Class with me." Meg said.

"Ah, Algebra I...I'm so glad I'm done with that class. I'm Anna Pollard. Bienvenido Tom."

"Huh?" Tom asked.

"Nice to meet you...Is he in our class?"

"Yep." Keira said. The bell rang and the four of them filed into the classroom, taking seats in a row together. A tall balding man wearing khaki pants, a sweater and a pair of glasses on a string around his neck, walked in carrying a small cooler.

"You must be the new student." He said to Tom.

"Brilliant deduction Scooby." Tom said. He reprimanded himself for being so out of character earlier. He wouldn't let it happen again. He could blow his cover that way. Mr. Jepsen shook his head at Tom and addressed the class.

"Class, this is Tom McQuaid, he's a transfer from Jefferson." Tom nodded hello at the kids in the class, then bent over and wrote a note to Keira as Jepsen began his lesson. He passed it to her when the teacher's back was turned, and she opened it under her desk, laughed, and nodded to answer his question.

"Miss Edwards, I'll take that note thank you." Mr. Jepsen said, extending his hand. Keira reluctantly put the piece of paper in his hand and put her head in her hands. Mr. Jepsen cleared his throat and began reading the note. "Senorita Edwards, tus ojos son como estrellas brillantes en la noche negra. Tu pelo es suave y bonita, y yo te quiero mas que el mundo." The class was a fit of giggles and Keira's face was bright red, not in embarassment, but anger. Obviously, whatever Mr.Jepsen had said, wasn't what Tom had written. She got up and left the room, upset. And concerned for their friend, Anna and Meg followed, with Tom on their heels.

He found them in the little theatre, (A/N: our theater is called the "little theater" even though there is no big theater. It's the second largest mystery in our school. The first is the fact that we get the most stupid people on our football team and still mangage to win every game...) where Anna and Meg were talking to Keira who was furious. He joined them.

"What did he say?" he asked the girls.

"You didn't understand anything?" Meg asked.

"No. What did he say?"

"He said, 'Miss Edwards, your eyes are like brilliant stars in the black night. Your hair is smooth and beautiful and I want you more than the world.'" Anna translated.

"Oh." Tom said.

"What did it really say?" Meg asked Keira.

"Is Mr. Jepsen always this big of a nerd."

A/N: hope you liked it!!!!!! And Meg, are you happy now? You're in the story!


	3. Lunchtime

**LUNCHTIME**

_A/N: sorry it's been awhile but now I've got a few more chappies typed up and I'll post them all tonight before I go off to pep band. Also, once again, every teacher and student in my story is real except Tom and Doug...and Meg. But Meg and Anna are real people, and they're authoresses on FFN too!!!! Read their stories!!! Meg is POTCgirl and Anna is ChibiConfettiQueen...okay enough with the plugs for my friends.... There really is a Tom Hanson in my school and you can imagine the confusion and paranoia officer hanson faces in this chapter...and I promise the dolls are coming!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!_

_Disclaimer: Don't own it._

They didn't return to Spanish class, instead they sat in the theatre and talked until it was time for them to go upstairs for lunch.

"So what's up with these rumors I've been hearing about you Tommy?" Anna asked.

"What do you mean?" he said.

"Someone in my English class said that you went to prison for murder."

"Really?!" Meg asked with wide eyes.

"Maybe." Tom hinted.

"You've killed someone?!"

"What's it to ya?"

"I've never met a murderer before...how'd you do it?"

"Top secret." Tom said with a wink.

"I won't tell anyone." Meg insisted.

"Me neither." Tom said. The bell rang again and they got up from their seats. "Now where?"

"Lunch. Let's go." Meg said, grabbing Tom's hand and pulling him up. He obliged and followed the girls upstairs to the cafeteria. Some of the tables were already filled and the line was growing longer. Keira, Anna and Meg put their bags down on one on the perimeter of the room.

"Where's your brother?" Keira asked. Tom looked around for Doug and spotted him on the opposite side of the room by the ketchup dispensers, shoving around a scrawny looking kid.

"Over there..." He said, rushing towards him.

"You think you're funny you punk?!" Doug yelled, pushing the kid again.

"No! No! Doug! Stop!" Tom shouted. Keira put her hand on his arm to stop him.

"No, no no no no.....Leave him. That's Marcus Job (A/N: real kid. real ass.), whatever Doug does to him, trust me, he deserves it." she assured him.

"He's just a little kid!"

"He's our age Mr. Tough Guy. Just believe us, Marcus is the biggest ass in the entire world." Meg agreed.

"Yeah, now excuse me while I enjoy this." Keira added, crossing her arms and watching as a huge smile crossed her face.

"He's been in dire need of an ass-kicking for quite some time now." Anna said. "Keira did it once in eighth grade (A/N: true story!), but that was three years ago."

"You beat him up?" Tom said skeptically.

"Yeah. I threw a book at him."

"Mrs. Johnson was there and everything." Meg added.

"And she didn't do anything?"

"Nope. She laughed. Everyone here hates that kid."

"Now Meg, you know teachers can't hate." Keira said.

"Okay, well they dislike him with a passion then."

"He seems like the kind of kid who gets beat up a lot."

"Yeah, well..."

"So. Food?" Meg asked. "I'm starving."

"Hey look!" Anna exclaimed. "Root Beer milk again!"

_(A/N: I got milk today, the carton was brown, so I figured, 'hey, chocolate milk. great.' I bring it to my table and open it and take a drink. And I taste an old melted rootbeer float. It's the second time that's happened to one of us this year. They don't warn us about the rootbeer milk. They spring it on us. We're like unsuspecting animals who don't know their water source has been poisoned with nastiness...buggers...)_

They got their food and took their seats. Doug had stopped beating on Marcus for a minute and joined them.

"Man, I've got health class." He complained. "Sex Ed. Like we don't know it already. SpermEggBaby. Got it." He took a huge bite out of the unknown substance the cafeteria ladies claimed was food.

"It's better than potions class." Tom countered.

"Anything's better than potions class." Meg agreed. They all sighed together as the loud speaker came on and one of the secerataries made an announcement.

"Tom Hanson to the office please, Tom Hanson to the office. Thank you."

Tom and Doug, who had both just taken a drink of milk promptly spit it back out again. They frantically glanced at each other while the girls gave them strange looks.

"What's the matter?" Anna asked.

"Nothing." Tom coughed. "Nothing." he began nervously wiping up the milk off the table.

"Oh, don't worry about that. The janitors are used to this table being covered in liquid." Meg said. "Keira spews all the time."

"Shut up Meg." came Keira's warning.

"We call her Old Faithful." Anna added.

"Shut up Anna." Keira repeated.

"Say something funny while she's taking a drink and--" Meg made a motion with her hand.

"--Everywhere." Keira glared at Meg and Anna.

"Doug, a word please." Tom said jumping up and moving to another table. Doug longingly glanced down at his food and then put his priorities in order and followed him. "Tell me they did not just call Tom Hanson to the office." he demanded of Doug.

"They called Tom Hanson to the office."

"I said don't tell me."

"Too late. Sorry."

"What did I do? Did I blow my cover? How do they know?"

"Maybe we should call Fuller."

"No, we can't, not here."

"We could leave."

"No.We can't leave."

"Well, what then?"

"I don't know! I--I don't know."

"What's the matter with you two?" Meg asked, joining them.

"Nothing." They said in unison, false innocence in their voice.

"You guys are weird." She said, walking away.

"Tom! Let's go! Time for Choir!" Keira called. Tom smiled wryly at Doug.

"Hmm.Choir.Great." He said, following Keira downstairs to the choir room.


	4. Block III and Homeroom

**BLOCK III AND HOMEROOM**

_A/N: so far so good I guess. The dolls come next chapter!!!! I know you're bummed cuz they aren't in here yet, but I had to get them through the day. And sorry if there's not much crime fighting either. I just wanted a funny story and not too 21Jumpstreet-ish. Maybe in the last chappy I'll tie up loose ends with Sarah Jameson (the girl they're after). Once again real teachers, real classes._

_Disclaimer: Don't own it don't own it don't own it_

**BLOCK III**

"Just grab a folder and sit down." Keira told him when they had entered the choir room.

"Edwards!" called a man next to the piano.

"Yes Mr.Mercer?" she said sarcastically.

"Who's your friend?"

"Tom McQuaid. He's new."

"Cool. Sit down." The class took their seats and continued talking while Mr. Mercer attempted to quiet them. "HEY!" he exclaimed. Some people stopped talking, most didn't. "Aaron, please reiterate for the class my one rule." he said to a boy in the front row.

"I will not speak in Mr. Mercer's class unless I raise my hand and Mr. Mercer calls on me."

"Very good. Next person to talk gets to write that 100 times for me and turn it in tomorrow." _(A/N: true story! I've never had to do it yet, but I was thinking of writing it out then talking in class so when he tells me to do it, I can pull it out and give it to him right then...but only if I become really really bored one day...)_ The rest of the talkers went silent and Mr. Mercer smiled. "Good. Let's sing."

Tom eyed Keira as if he was asking if the teacher was serious. She nodded and pointed at a bulletin board where papers were pinned. Sure enough each of the stackes tacked on the board were a few pages stapled together, all with the words 'I will not speak in Mr. Mercer's class unless I raise my hand and Mr. Mercer calls on me' written in neat lines, in an assortment of different students' handwriting. Tom sighed and decided that he would save the McQuaid attitude for some other teacher. he had enough to do without the old-fashioned punishment he could be issued.

The rest of his third class went off without a hitch, nobody got in trouble, and strangely, Tom actually found himself enjoying some of the songs they were singing.

**HOMEROOM**

Again the shrill, high-pitched long tone of the bell rang and they gathered up their objects and headed out the door to where the freshmen lockers were. The freshmen in question were gathered by these lockers as if they were the plague of locusts from Egypt at this small town highschool.

"Whose homeroom are you in?" Keira shouted over the buzz of the freshmen. Tom pulled his schedule out of his back pocket_ (A/N, I would have done it for you Tommy!)_, and looked at it.

"Hoffarth."

"Me too. Follow."

"Following." he said. They pushed through the hallways to the other side of the building and into an English room. Anna and Meg were already there, and talking to a girl with long black hair in the corner of the room.

"Chelsea, why weren't you at lunch today?" Keira asked.

"I was in the library checking my messages on the Flute Forum. Priscilla's being really mean again, and Dark Elder wanted some help on trills, so I answered them and went down to the band room. Mr. Mara needed help organizing Pep Band for the Sno Daze coronation ceremony and that Jam The Gym thing tonight."

"The band room, of course. Where else would she be?" Keira said, taking a seat on top of one of the desks.

"Keira, down please." said the teacher from her desk. Keira half-heartedly slid into the chair of the desk. "Thank you." Mrs. Hoffarth said.

"Woof." Keira weakly replied. Tom heard the dreaded bell again and followed Anna to his next class: Child Development.

_(A/N: there you go. Next chappy?Dolls! hahaha. hahahaha! coughgag wheeze...choke...thud)_


	5. Block IV

_(OKEY DOKEY! Doll time! Yay! It was sooo funny, at our speech competition yesterday, a girl had one of the dolls with her, and Anna (ChibiConfettiQueen) and I laughed so hard. Although our laughing may also be due to the fact that one of our team members was on stage strip-dancing in front of 300 people in a kilt...I'm not lying. The boy is insane. Everyone was cheering 'kilt-boy! kilt-boy!' yeah. Our team laughed so hard. I don't think our coach appreciated it too much. He got a talking-to afterwards...Anywho...to the story!)_

_DISCLAIMER: Don't own it._

BLOCK IV

Tom heard the dreaded bell again and followed Anna to their next class: Child Development. They entered the classroom and started for a table in the back, when the sound of a crying baby filled the room. Anna immediately dropped to her knees and put her hands over her ears. Tom looked up, searching for the source of the noise, as Anna continued rocking back and forth, humming to herself. He noticed that the noise had caused the same effect, to different extents, in several other students. Finally, he spotted a girl in the corner with a baby carseat. She deftly removed the thing inside and shoved a key in its back. The noise stopped. The students who had been on the floor shook it off and stood up.

"Are you alright?" Tom asked Anna.

"Yeah. No biggie." she said cooly. As if nothing had happened, she continued towards her seat.

"Okay." They took their seats and the bell rang to signal the beginning of class.

"Where's your brother?" Anna whispered as the teacher entered. "Isn't he in our class?"

"He's probably in the principal's office. Nothing new."

"Good afternoon class." Said the teacher. "I'm sure I don't have to remind you that your paper on pregnancy symptoms is due today. Hand them forward." Anna groaned.

"What?"

"I forgot all about that paper. Crap." The door opened again and there was Doug with a man who had his hand clamped tightly down on his shoulder.

"Mrs.Young?" said the man.

"Mr.Wege, hello." said the teacher.

"This young man belongs in your class."

"I've never seen him before." Mrs.Young replied.

"He's new. Just started today." Mr.Wege said matter-of-factly. He pushed Doug forwards, towards Mrs.Young. "Have a nice afternoon." The principal quickly left and shut the door. Doug, still acting tough, stared down the teacher before moving to join Tom and Anna in the back.

"What happened to you?" Tom whispered.

"They caught me fighting in the commons."

"Again?" Anna said.

"Yeah. Tommy, you shoulda been there."

"Mr. McQuaid!" Mrs.Young said firmly. Doug and Tom both looked up.

"Yeah?" They both said in unison.

"Douglas." she said, being more specific.

"That's my name. Ask me again, I'll tell you the same."

"I see you are already in trouble. You see, violence is not something we tolerate at AHS. You'll see yourself expelled the first day if you don't shape up. Our discipline program deals very well with attitudes like yours." Tom and Anna smirked as Doug rolled his eyes and the teacher began her lesson. Doug, Anna and Tom suffered through a video on childbirth, Doug having terrible flashbacks from his 2nd Block health class. And during worktime, Tom proclaimed he would never have children. Mrs Young then announced to the class that the McQuaids were the only ones who had not completed the final project.

"What's the final?...Anna?" Tom said, seeing Anna's eyes go wide in fear at the mention of the final project. "What? Did you forget that one too?" Tom laughed.

"Anna, what's wrong?" Doug asked. Mrs.Young sat two carseats on top of her desk and smiled.

"Th-th-those!" Anna said, fear deepining her voice. She pointed a shaky finger at the seats.

"What?" Doug and Tom asked.

"D-d-dolls!" she said.

"To keep it fair, so both of you get a grade, both of you will take one home." Mrs.Young said, producing two black keys on orange, snap-on bracelets

(the kind people wear in the hospitals. The ones you can't take off). She went to them and snapped them around their wrists. Anna moved away from the brothers and pulled her knees to her chest.

"Dolls?" Tom said. The bell rang. The school day was over.

"Here you are." Mrs.Young said, placing a carseat in Doug's hands first and Tom's second. She smiled again and sent them on their way. "Happy parenting!"

Next time; in A Lesson in Parenthood For The McQuaids:

_(So, can Doug and Tom do it on their own? Unlikely. They'll enlist Hoffs' help of course! Woman to the rescue! How will Fuller react to having two screaming babies at the chapel? And can Ioki stand it? Tune in next time to find the answers to these questions and more.)_


End file.
